How Can You Understand and Support Them?
You might have a child like this:
They hide their own work after seeing someone else's masterpiece.
Even when they’ve done well, they say: "I’m not good… others are better."
They’re obedient and serious, but rarely speak up or go after what they want.
No matter how much you praise them, they respond: "Nah… I’m still far behind."
If you’ve ever thought:
"Why does my child always feel not good enough?"
They may be a classic Gingerella-type child.
🧡 Their Personality: Sensitive and comparison-prone, but longing for affirmation
Gingerella-type child often:
Are observant and constantly notice how others perform or shine
May not express much outwardly, but quietly hold many little dreams
Fear failure or being laughed at, so they’d rather not try
Appear well-behaved, but quietly question if they’re truly worthy of recognition
They’re not lacking effort—they’re just easily trapped in the belief of “I’m not enough.”
💭 What they might be thinking:
"If only I were as good as them, maybe I’d be appreciated too."
"Everyone else did great… I’d rather not embarrass myself."
"I think you're just saying that to make me feel better. You don’t really think I’m good."
✅ How Can I Support Them?
1. Give specific compliments based on real observations
General praise like “You’re amazing!” may feel fake to them.
Try saying:
"I noticed you were scared but still gave it a try. That kind of courage is really admirable."
➡️ They’ll feel genuinely seen when you highlight real, specific moments.
2. Don’t force “positive thinking”—stay with their feelings
👶: "Everyone else got full marks. I only got 80. I’m just not smart."
👩: "You sound really upset—I get it. But I want to know what part upset you the most. I’d like to look at it with you."
➡️ Don’t scold them for being “negative”—help them sort out which feelings come from within, and which from outside pressure.
3. Create pressure-free performance spaces to let them fail safely
At home, you could try:
Creative time focused on process, not scores
Games where the goal is to share feelings, not to win
A weekly “Be Yourself Day” where trying is enough
➡️ Let them know they can still be accepted even if they don’t succeed—it makes them more willing to take risks.
4. When they say negative things, don’t argue—receive it gently
👦: "My drawing’s not good."
👨: "Maybe that’s because you’re seeing it too close-up. When I take a step back, it really feels expressive to me."
➡️ Instead of saying “Don’t think like that,” offer another honest way of seeing what they can’t yet see.
🧡 Gingerella-type children really want you to know:
"I want you to see my worth—not just because I’m obedient."
"It’s not that I dislike myself… I just don’t know how to believe in myself."
"I long for affirmation, but I’m scared I’m not good enough to deserve it."
💬 You can say to them:
"There are so many things about you worth appreciating—even if you haven’t seen them yet, I’ll be right here to discover them with you."
"You don’t need to be the best. Just being yourself already makes you the best in my heart."