How Can You Understand and Support Them?
You might have a parent who often says:
"Those people are really amazing, how could I ever compare?"
Or compares themselves constantly:
"People your age already own a flat... back then we couldn’t even afford a deposit."
Even when you tell them they've done well, they respond:
"Nah… I’m still far behind."
Sometimes, when they see you succeed, they don’t say anything—just seem a little quiet and low.
If you’ve ever thought:
"Why do my parents keep putting themselves down?"
They might just be classic Gingerella-type parents.
🧡 Their Personality: Humble and hardworking, but self-draining
Gingerella-type parents are often:
Diligent and responsible, yet never feel “good enough”
Used to putting themselves second, believing success belongs to “others”
Quietly push through, rarely asking for recognition
Proud of you, but quietly overwhelmed by self-doubt
They’re not upset at your success—
They just feel like it reflects their own perceived inadequacies.
💭 What might be going through their mind:
"I’m not that great… as long as I don’t embarrass you, it’s enough."
"They’ve achieved so much… I have nothing to boast about."
"It’s not that I’m unhappy, I just don’t know how to talk about it."
But deep down, they might also be thinking:
"I wish someone would say: You did really well."
"I say I’m not good to hide how much effort I’ve made."
"Will I never be able to catch up to others?"
✅ How Can You Be There for Them?
1. Don’t say “Don’t put yourself down”—instead,
👉 Help them see the good they are already doing
👨: "I’m not as capable as you. I’ve been mediocre all my life."
🧑: "Hearing that, I just want to say—you got through so many tough times. That’s incredible."
➡️ You’re not dismissing their feelings, but gently highlighting their strength.
2. Replace praise with clear observations
Gingerella-type parents might not accept a “You’re amazing.”
But you can say:
"I notice how you wake up early every day and stay focused."
"I peeked at your project—your attention to detail is really impressive."
➡️ They’ll feel seen for their true effort, not just flattered.
3. Don’t urge them to “be happier”—instead,
👉 Talk with them about comparisons and self-doubt
Ask:
"When you were younger, did you ever feel not good enough? How did you get through it?"
"You work so hard—who are you trying to prove something to?"
➡️ Rather than forcing confidence, connect through honest, reflective conversations.
4. When they open up, hold that space firmly
👩: "Sometimes when I see how well you're doing, I feel like my efforts don’t matter anymore."
🧑: "It hurts a little to hear that… because I’ve always seen your effort and been proud of you."
➡️ They don’t need big compliments—just your real, heartfelt listening and belief.
🧡 Gingerella-type parents really just want you to know:
"I’m not upset at your success—I’m just scared I’m no longer a good role model."
"I know I worked hard, but sometimes it feels unnoticed."
"It’s not that I don’t see my own worth… I just don’t feel I have the right to say it aloud."
💬 You can say to them:
"Your years of perseverance really earn my respect."
"Even when you feel not enough, you’ve given me so much strength."
"To me, you’ve always been the strongest and most admirable person in my life."