You might have a parent, grandparent, aunt, or uncle like this:
They often say, “Sorry, I didn’t teach you well” or “Sorry for bothering you.”
Even over small everyday matters, they blame themselves excessively—like they’ve made a huge mistake.
Sometimes they lose their temper, then retreat in silence, full of regret.
They care deeply about you, but often can't express it and replace words with silence.
If you’ve ever wondered, “Why do they always put themselves in the wrong? They don’t need to keep apologizing…”
Chances are, your elder might be a classic 🎃 Oopsie Squashy type.
🎃 Their Personality:
They’re responsible, but live in the shadow of “fear of doing wrong.”
Oopsie Squashy elders are emotionally delicate:
They likely grew up in a strict or emotionally repressed environment, making them extra sensitive to “mistakes”
They’re afraid that a single outburst or wrong word might hurt you
Though they say, “I don’t want to bother you,” deep down, they want to stay close
It’s not that they don’t care—it’s that they’re afraid of being a burden or losing their dignity
They try hard to maintain the image of a “good elder,” but often suppress their true self, falling into cycles of guilt
💡 What They Might Be Thinking Deep Inside:
“I don’t know how to express it, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care.”
“I just don’t want to be a burden to you.”
“I didn’t do well enough in the past… I don’t deserve to say more.”
But in truth, they want to be understood—they just don’t know how to speak up.
✅ How Can I Support Them?
1. Don’t just comfort them—affirm their past efforts
You can say:
“I remember everything you’ve done to take care of me.”
“You don’t have to keep saying sorry—you’ve already done so much.”
✅ Help shift them from guilt to feeling appreciated. Break the negative loop.
2. Don’t avoid emotional conversations—initiate them
If they say: “I’m fine, it’s my fault.”
You can respond:
“I’m okay with you having emotions—I just want to know how you really feel.”
✅ Let them know you’re someone who can hold space for their emotions.
3. Go beyond just listening to regrets—problem-solve together
You can ask:
“If something like this happens again, how can we handle it more comfortably?”
“What can I do to help you feel less guilty?”
✅ Work together toward healing, not emotional burnout.
4. Use your actions to restore their sense of value
Invite them to chat, ask for their advice, or compliment something they’ve done.
“When you mentioned that earlier, I really learned something.”
“Your experiences are honestly so inspiring!”
✅ They’ll feel: I’m still important, helpful, and valued.
🎃 Oopsie Squashy elders actually want you to know:
“It’s not that I don’t know how to love—it’s that I don’t know how to say it.”
“I don’t want to be a parent/grandparent full of regrets instead of expression.”
“I’m scared of saying the wrong thing, but deep down, I’ve always wanted to get closer to you.”
💬 You can say to them:
“You don’t have to be perfect—I just want you to feel at ease and comfortable.”
“I don’t mind if you say the wrong thing—I know it comes from care.”
“You don’t have to say sorry to me—I want to hear what you truly think.”