You might have an elder like this:
They briefly gloss over their younger days: “No point talking about the past.”
When facing changes in their body or daily life, they joke on the surface, but you can see the sadness underneath.
When you try to show care, they’ll say, “I’m fine, focus on yourself.”
They don’t like troubling others, but the more independent they act, the more your heart aches.
You may wonder: “Why do they always avoid talking about their sadness? I know they still feel things deeply.”
In truth, your elder might be an Oh-Potato type — someone who swallows everything and doesn’t want to burden others.
🥔 They’re not used to expressing emotions — but that doesn’t mean they don’t have them.
Oh-Potato elders have usually faced many harsh realities.
They’ve learned to bottle things up and grit their teeth to keep going.
It’s not that they don’t cry — it’s that no one used to listen, so they learned not to speak.
It’s not that they don’t want to rely on others — they’re just afraid they’ll become a burden if they do.
They’d rather you not notice their unhappiness than add to your stress.
💡 What they might really be thinking:
“I’ve come this far — there’s nothing I can’t endure.”
“Getting old comes with its struggles. Don’t worry too much.”
“Don’t fuss over me. Just live your life well.”
But deep down inside, they may also feel:
“If someone asked me one more time, maybe I’d feel like talking.”
“If someone didn’t mind my rambling, I’d like to share my heart.”
“Honestly, I wish someone would remember… I get tired too.”
✅ How can I support them?
1. Don’t force them to talk — accompany them through actions.
They may not say “I’m sad,” but you can try:
“Shall I join you for a walk in the park? The morning sun’s lovely.”
“Let’s have dinner together tonight — I’ll cook your favorite dish.”
➡️ For Oh-Potato elders, being remembered and accompanied is more acceptable than being interrogated.
2. Don’t say “You should stay positive.”
When they share a small complaint, try responding with:
“I can hear in your voice that something’s bothering you.”
“Even going through all that and holding on — that’s incredible.”
➡️ Don’t rebut. Don’t fake optimism. Just let them know you hear them and respect their feelings.
3. Help them see they still have value.
Remind them now and then:
“I still remember what you told me — it really helped me.”
“You taught me that dish, and now I can make it for friends — they all loved it!”
➡️ When they feel they still make an impact and contribute, they won’t feel useless.
4. Catch the weight behind their light remarks.
👴 “I’m old now… not much use anymore.”
👨 “You don’t know how much I respect every word you say — I don’t want you to feel unimportant.”
➡️ Your words can awaken a long-lost sense of self-worth.
🥔 What Oh-Potato elders truly want you to know:
“I don’t speak up because I don’t want to scare you with bitter truths.”
“I don’t want you to see me weak — but sometimes I’m really tired.”
“Every time you care about me, it gives me strength to stand back up.”
💬 You can say to them:
“You don’t have to talk, but I’ll still stay by your side through the hard days.”
“You’re not alone. No matter your age, I still want you to feel joy.”
“Whenever you’re ready to open up, I’ll be here to listen — and I won’t find you bothersome.”