How Can You Understand and Support Them?
You might have an elder like this:
Often says things like: "People from our generation aren’t as smart/lucky as you young folks."
Always avoids praise, as if they believe they’ve contributed little.
When you compliment their skills or how they care for others, they reply:
"How can I compare to you young ones who are so good with words?"
Even though they’ve done and given so much, they rarely feel they deserve recognition.
If you’ve ever wondered:
"They’ve done so much—why can’t they see their own worth? I’ve praised them so many times, but it doesn’t seem to register..."
They may be a classic Gingerella-type elder.
🧡 Their Personality: Humble, hardworking, but their self-worth is suppressed by tradition
Gingerella-type elder often:
Always put themselves last, believing "sacrificing for family is just what you do."
Hold high standards for themselves, thinking "I don’t need praise, getting things done is enough."
Constantly compare themselves to the younger generation, feeling they no longer have value
Are not used to being appreciated—when praised, they feel awkward and say "Don’t say that about me, it feels weird."
It’s not that they lack value, but the era they lived in taught them: “Don’t boast. Stay modest.”
💭 What they might secretly be thinking:
"I’m just doing what I should—I don’t need recognition."
"You say I’m great, but I know all the things I’ve messed up."
"You all are amazing nowadays—we can’t express ourselves like that."
But deep down, they might also think:
"Hearing you say that… actually made me happy. I just don’t know how to respond."
"I never thought what I’ve done over the years could mean something to you."
"The fact that you see me like this… really touches me."
✅ How Can I Support Them?
1. Don’t wait for them to acknowledge their strengths—tell them what you see
Try saying:
"I’ve always thought you’re amazing. Since I was little, I saw you cook and care for everyone every single day, without a single complaint."
➡️ Praise not for achievements, but for presence—because they were there, and it meant everything.
2. Don’t push them to accept praise—just let them know you’ve noticed
👩: "You always say you’re not great, but without you, I wouldn’t be who I am today."
➡️ You don’t need to teach them to be confident—your sincerity is already quietly imprinted in their heart.
3. Don’t expect a response—quietly affirm the impact they’ve had
When they say:
👴: "I don’t really understand things now. Times have changed."
You can reply:
👩: "It’s okay that you don’t understand, but you’ve done things we never could—like being so patient and always thinking of others. I’ve always admired that and want to learn from you."
➡️ The moment you say “learn from you”, they’ll feel they still matter.
4. When they start to accept a bit of praise, acknowledge their courage
"You didn’t stop me from saying that this time. I think you’re more relaxed than before, and that change really makes me happy."
➡️ You’re not praising a skill—you’re praising their willingness to be seen.
🧡 Gingerella-type elders secretly want you to know:
"It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just don’t trust that I deserve to be appreciated."
"The fact that you said it—I’ve already taken it to heart."
"I don’t know how to respond, but deep down… I’m really thankful."
💬 You can say to them:
"You don’t have to be the best—I’ve always respected you deeply."
"You’ve always been the most important role model in my life."
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