You might have a parent like this:
After saying something harsh, they go silent and cry, repeating,
"It’s my fault… I was wrong…”
They constantly worry they’re not good enough, and even a small mistake can make them feel guilty all day.
When conflict arises in the family, their first reaction isn’t to explain — it’s to blame themselves.
Even when they want to care for you, they stay distant, afraid they’ll say the wrong thing again.
If you’ve ever thought: “I don’t want them to feel so bad, but I don’t know what to say that won’t make them feel more guilty…”
— your parent may be a classic 🎃 Oopsie Squashy-type parent.
🎃 Their personality:
They’re responsible, relationship-focused, but easily trapped by guilt.
Oopsie Squashy parents often:
Want to take full responsibility for the family, but get stuck in self-blame over minor things
Are hypersensitive to your emotional reactions — even silence can make them spiral
Want to repair things, but don’t know how to express love or regret
When overwhelmed, they withdraw and avoid talking — not to escape, but because they fear making it worse
✅ They’re not trying to avoid you, they just don’t know how to get it right, and the more they try, the more scared they become of getting it wrong.
💡 What they might be thinking:
“I don’t want to be someone who pressures you…”
“After I lose my temper, I really hate myself.”
“I know I have problems, but I don’t know how to fix them.”
“I really want you to understand me… but I’m scared to say it out loud.”
✅ How can I support them?
1. Acknowledge their willingness to change, not just what they did wrong
🧑: “I lost control again in front of you… I’m sorry.”
👧: “The fact you’re saying this shows you’re trying. I really appreciate it.”
✅ This isn’t just forgiveness — it’s gratitude for their effort.
2. Let them know you’re seeking connection, not repeated apologies
You can gently say:
“I know you’re upset. But I want to understand how you really feel.”
“You don’t need to say sorry every day. I’d rather hear what’s truly on your mind.”
✅ Help them let go of the pressure to be a ‘perfect parent’ and return to real communication.
3. Remind them that making mistakes doesn’t mean they don’t love you
When they’re stuck in guilt, try saying:
“You messed up — not because you’re bad, but because you were tired or overwhelmed. Everyone goes through that.”
✅ Your understanding becomes a stepping stone out of their self-blame.
4. Invite them to learn together — not just expect them to fix things alone
Try suggesting:
“Shall we try learning how to communicate better together?”
“I’ve made mistakes too. Let’s grow as a team.”
✅ This isn’t avoiding blame — it’s building a two-way healing relationship.
🎃 Oopsie Squashy parents really want you to know:
“I truly don’t want to hurt you again, but I don’t know what ‘doing it right’ looks like.”
“Every time I break down, I regret it deeply. But I’m scared you won’t care about me anymore.”
“I’m not trying to run away — I’m just afraid that I’m not enough, and the more I speak, the more wrong I get…”
💬 What you can say to them:
“You’ve already tried so hard — I can feel how much you care.”
“You don’t need to be perfect. Just be yourself.”
“I won’t judge you just because of one or two harsh words. Please feel safe to tell me how you really feel.”