If a child is like Flamey the Fire 🔥…
how can I help them grow up feeling more secure?
👀 You might notice behaviors like:
- They're not the loudest or flashiest, but they notice every change in your expression
- When you cry, they're the first to hand you a tissue — but when they're sad, they say, "I'm fine, I'm OK!"
- Always giving way: "You go first! I'm alright."
- Teachers say they're "very well-behaved and cooperative", but you know they sometimes quietly bottle up their feelings
- They know how to comfort others, but never ask for comfort themselves
These might all be signs of a Flamey-type child 🔥
🧠 What might be going through their minds:
- "I don't want to trouble others, so it's better to keep it in."
- "I like seeing others happy, so I'm willing to stay quiet."
- "I want to talk, but I'm afraid I'll upset you, say it wrong, or you won't know how to respond..."
- Flamey children are empathetic and gentle, but sometimes their inner silence causes them to ignore their own emotional needs.
✅ How can I support them?
1️⃣ Don't just praise them for being 'good' — praise their feelings and boundaries
Don't just say: "You're such a good kid~"
You could say:
- "You helped your classmate earlier — that shows how caring you are!"
- "You said you needed some quiet time — that was really brave. You have the right to protect your feelings."
✅ Flamey kids don't need to learn to be more obedient — they need to learn they can have choices and feelings.
2️⃣ Give them a space where they can share their real feelings without being interrupted
For example:
- "It's okay to say you didn't like that — I won't be mad."
- "It's alright if you can't explain it clearly — I'll wait for you to finish."
💡 Flamey kids often want to share — they're just afraid of saying it wrong, too slowly, or not well enough.
You being willing to wait is the best encouragement.
3️⃣ Ask about their feelings using 'Did I misunderstand you?' instead of 'What's wrong?'
Instead of asking: "Are you upset?"
Try:
- "You were looking out the window for a while — did I get that wrong? Were you thinking about something?"
✅ Flamey kids feel understood when you notice the small things.
4️⃣ Let them know: 'Even when you're not shining, someone's still here for you'
You could say:
- "You don't always need to take care of others — I want to take care of you too."
- "It's okay if you don't feel like talking — I'll still stay by your side."
- "You don't have to smile to be loved — even when you're quiet, I still really like you."
✅ Flamey kids aren't afraid of not being loved — they fear that if they stop shining, no one will stay.
5️⃣ Help them build the ability to care for themselves — not just others
Ask them:
- "Did you do anything nice for yourself today?"
- "After helping your friend, did you get a chance to rest?"
- "What would help you feel better? I can help you figure it out."
✅ Once they learn to care for themselves, they won't burn themselves out just to keep others warm.
🔥 What Flamey children most want you to know:
- "I do want to be there for people — but I also wish someone would just stay with me without asking for a reason."
- "I can talk about everyone else's feelings — but I wish someone would ask about mine.""I shine not because I'm naturally gentle, but because I try really hard."
💬 You can say to them:
- "I don't just like how gentle you are — I especially appreciate that you tell me what you need."
- "You're not loved because of what you do — even if you do nothing, I'll still be here."
- "You're a flame — I'm not afraid of your small glow, because you've always been here."