How can I be there for them — not just to laugh with them, but to truly be present?
👀 You might notice:
- Your mom is clearly exhausted, but says: "That's life — smile and push through!"
- Your dad never talks about being upset, but keeps changing the subject or cracking jokes
- Whenever you ask, "How are you really doing?" they laugh: "What do you mean? Same old stuff! Haha!"
- You know they're not okay, but they cover it with a smile: "Don't overthink — I'm smiling, so you smile too!"
These are signs of a classic Eaggie McPlant-type elder 🍆 —
using humor to hold the mood, dodge sadness, redirect attention, and protect themselves.
🧠 Why are they like this?
- They may have grown up in an environment where showing emotions wasn't allowed — smiling through it became survival
- They may have once opened up but got interrupted or laughed at, so they stopped trying
- They don't want to burden you, so they pretend they're fine
- They're under pressure but don't know how to process it — so they turn it into humor and act like it doesn't matter
💡 Eaggie elders do have deep emotions — they're just used to keeping them tightly locked away.
✅ How can I be there for them?
1️⃣ Don't call them out — gently acknowledge the feeling underneath
👵: "Cooking every day... not sure anyone even appreciates it! Haha, guess I'll keep going till I drop!"
You don't need to say: "Stop joking!"
Instead, say:
"That was funny — but I hear you're really tired too. Do you want to take a little break?"
✅ Gently naming what's underneath the joke helps them feel seen.
2️⃣ Don't ask direct questions — invite stories instead
Avoid:
"Are you happy these days?"
(They'll just say: "Same as always~ haha!")
Try:
"Did you ever have to fake a smile when you were younger?"
"Back then, how did you wish someone would comfort you?"
3️⃣ Don't push them to talk — just stay close
Sometimes they just want your quiet presence.
Try:
- Brewing tea for them
- Watching an old movie
- Holding their hand in silence
Your body language says: "You don't have to speak — I'm still here."
4️⃣ When they say something honest — don't laugh it off
👴: "I don't even know why I feel so useless lately..."
Wrong:
"No way — you're joking again, right?"
Better:
"That means a lot to hear. I really want to understand more — thank you for saying it."
5️⃣ Let them know you see the person behind the smile
Say:
"I love your jokes — but I want to hear you even when you're not joking."
"You always make everyone smile — but you deserve someone who will sit quietly with you too."
🍆 What Eaggie elders want you to know:
- "I smile because I don't know how else to express what I'm feeling."
- "It's not that I'm not serious — I just never learned how without making things awkward."
- "If you stay, I might finally feel safe enough to be myself."
💬 You can say:
- "You've made everyone laugh for so long — now let me take care of you. You don't have to be funny — I'm staying.""You don't need to explain everything. I'll be right here as we gently open up the parts you don't want to say yet."